I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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