pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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