He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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