and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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