The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
