i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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