allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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