Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
