how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
