so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
