talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
