so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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