Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize