Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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