two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
