dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
