And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
