I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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