Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
