im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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