He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
