I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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