I didn't shave. On purpose
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
