i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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