If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My ass is underappreciated
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize