I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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