Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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