when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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