Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
