My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Mom said you looked used
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
