I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
