and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
