Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
