her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
