Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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