Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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