Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
