mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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