I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
