You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize