Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
