I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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