dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
