what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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