My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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