How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
