I need help removing her.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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