I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
