Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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