Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
