who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
