He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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