I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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