So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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