were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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