Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
