WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
