were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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