I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
