left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
