you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
