You smell like a Billy Joel song
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
