I cockslap morals
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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