You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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