if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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