her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
