my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
