At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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