I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need moral support for this bender
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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