Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Less talking, more tequila
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
